{project life: birth story}

I am starting to work on my photo album for Deegan. As I am working on it I am realizing that  I want it to be more than just an album filled with photos. I want to journal the memories that are forever linked to the photos. I want to tell our story. 

I am really exited about all the little ways I can incorporate this into his album. Here is one example of his birth story. I kept it short and sweet. I wanted to tell the story and the little details but not go too overboard and make it too long.

I also wanted it to be simple enough so that he can read at an early age without too many questions.

I am going to print these as 4x6 photos and put it into the album with the photos of his birth. 

I also have screenshots I am going to print of our facebook status' and things that were happening that day. 

My husband saying I was a trooper.

 My dad posting that my water broke on facebook. 

I love that.

My sister posting that she was an aunt and Deegan was going to have awesome parents. 

Those are the moments that I cherish.

Those memories. 

They tell our story.

{so much to do.'}

 

I have so much to do before I go back to work next week. 

Ugh.

I'm not prepared.

Still.so.much.to.do.

& the only thing I really want to do is give this sweet boy kisses all day.

{Future Baby Gap Model}

It's my last week as a "stay-at-home mommy" before I go back to work and I just can't resist breaking out my camera and doing these little mini photo sessions. I just want to capture everything!

I am no professional photographer but I think these are canvas worthy! 

I may have to start my canvas collection soon! 

Look at that smile!

He is only 8 weeks old but I just can't get over how much older he looks in these photos! I think I may have to get Baby Gap on the phone! They might need a new model, right?

Hat: Ebay

Onesie: Target

Shorts: Target

Suspenders: H&M

{"He looks just like you..."}

"He looks just like you..."

I know that this is something that we will hear quite often. 

It makes me laugh just a little and to be honest, yes I think he does in fact look like us at times. 

Some people don't know "our story" or that he is adopted. Friends and family that do know often forget that he is not genetically ours. It is even crazier since he is technically adopted but yet I carried him in my belly and gave birth to him. 

I carried him for 9 months. 

I had morning sickness. Heartburn. 

Doctors appointments and ultrasounds. 

I had baby showers and maternity photos.

My water broke and I went into labor. 

He gave me stretch makes on my butt for goodness sakes!

 I think that makes it easy to forget that he is adopted and I think that makes it even more confusing to new people that don't know. It's fun to explain, of course . Yet most people don't even know what an embryo is so explaining it can be very interesting to say the least. There are a lot of confused looks. Questions. Then excitement and joy for us. Most people don't know embryo adoption exists. Even couples with infertility don't realize it is an option.

I don't mind telling our story. I tell people quite often. I am an open book. I love our story. I love our family and how we came to be a family. However one day, as he gets older it will be HIS story and something that we will more selectively share.

I know that Deegan will know he is adopted. I mean....hello...at some point he is going to wonder where his Asian eyes came from, right?

 

 We really want it to always be an open conversation. 

Something that is cherished and embraced. Always. 

We want him to know how much we wanted him and how much he is loved for everything he is. I always want it to be a positive thing. A wonderful, happy, positive story.

I can't wait to see what traits he has from genetics and which ones he gets from us.

Will he be good at sports? 

We are not very athletic so will we one day cheer him on at Friday night football games?

Will he love outdoors? He daddy sure does. They could canoe and go hiking.

Will he be creative and draw or paint like my family?

I can't wait to see. 

When I look at him. I see my son. I see the child that I was meant to have all along. 

 I see that he was meant for me. For us. For our family. Whether he looks like me or not is up for debate but definitely is not something I ever needed to have to bond with him or ever needed to hear to know he is mine. 

I know he is mine 100%. No questions about it. 

"He looks just like you" is just a little added bonus.

{8 weeks}

{8 weeks} 

You are:
Kicking your legs like crazy. 

Tummy time is fun time. 

Love bathtime!

Smiles and giggles.

Sleeping through the night.

 You have so much personality!

 

 

Wow. You look like such a big boy already! 

You learn so much everyday. You grow so much everyday. 

I am amazed and in awe at everything. 

You love to kick right now and let me tell you - you are all about it! Your legs just don't stop sometimes! I am loving it! I know as soon as you can you will be running around the house!

I go back to work next week and it breaks my heart to know that I am going to miss out on all of these fun times we have been having lately. I love our mommy & me time and I feel like I am going to miss out on these little moments. I know that it isn't really true. I know that we will just have these special moments at other times and I will still cherish them but it still makes me a little sad to know that someone else will get to spend their day with you and I will be missing you at work. 

I will probably....no, I will definitely talk about you non-stop all day at work. My co-workers will get sick of hearing about you. They may have to buy ear plugs. I will have new photos of you every week to show off and I will miss you like crazy but I know that you will be taken care of and when I pick you up you will be so happy to see me. You are only 5 minutes away. I may even sneak and see you on my break. There is no laws against stalking your own baby, right?

Was there an in between?

This cute little romper was too big the first time he wore it and now it is almost too small to fit him now.

Was there an in between that I missed? 

He is already wearing 3 month clothes now and I am packing up the 0-3 month sizes. I don't know if I am going to hold on to much of his clothes since we are not planning on having another baby so I will probably just keep one or two outfits that are special to us so he can have them when he is older. The outfit he wore home from the hospital is one that I am going to keep. It has a motorcycle on it and his daddy was so proud to see him in it. Motorcycles are kinda his thing so we are just assuming that Deegan will love them too.

Yesterday I went to my checkup appt at my doctor's office and to my surprise my appointment is today and my doctor wasn't even there yesterday so they couldn't work me in. Bummer. So, I had to leave and am going back today for my appointment. I am usually more on top of my game with appointments but I guess this little guy has had me distracted so we are gonna try this appointment thing again today and see how that goes. I guess I should start writing things down again to keep up with life. 

It is moving all too fast these days.

{7 weeks}

7 weeks.

You are:

Smiling so big.

Laughing.

Sleeping better through the night.

Stealing our hearts more and more everyday.

This smile.

It is everything I ever wished, hoped, dreamed or had an aching in my heart for.

It is everything to me - to see his this little face light up with so much joy and excitement makes my heart so happy. 

He doesn't know it yet but he has brought our family and  friends so much joy. 

He is so loved already. 

We are all just watching and waiting to see who he is, who he will become. We are embracing every little personality trait we can see come through and soaking up every single moment we can soak up with him in our lives.

The smiles are getting bigger and bigger.

 Sometimes there is also a little laugh or squeal and are often because we are talking to him. He smiled at me when I was singing. I guess I should mention that I sing horribly but I guess he loved it anyways because he was in the middle of a little breakdown hissy, crying fit. I was holding him in my arms and started singing. He just stopped, looked into my eyes and smiled the biggest smile. The crying was over.

Amazing.

I think he likes music. 

He really likes when I play my ipod, especially when he is falling asleep. It seems to soothe him yet I am really questioning his taste in music now since he like my singing so much.

 I started writing Deegan a journal. 

It is for him, but also for me. I want to remember all the little things. I want to capture those firsts and all of the feelings I am experiencing being his mother. I am pretty sure I am going to pour my whole heart into it and he is going to think I am a big sappy mess, but if he reads even one sentence when he is older and understands how much I love him - it will make me happy. When my heart almost hurts because it is so filled with love I sit and write and hope that one day he will read how much joy he has brought me.

{Dear Deegan - 6 weeks.}

6 weeks. 

You are:

 Smiling a lot. 

Trying to roll over. 

Enjoying bath time.

Mr. Fussy Pants until mommy holds you to sleep.

   

Deegan,  

These are some of my favorite moments with you. 

I am loving all the little snuggles and cuddles we are having right now. I know that they are not going to last very long. You won't be this little forever. (that makes me a little teary eyed already) You won't need to listen to my heart beating to fall asleep. So, right now I am cherishing these moments. You really love laying on me and are not liking your crib at night. I am afraid I may have spoiled you, but it is so hard not to because you are just so darn cute! It is so hard for me to put you in your crib at night. I know I this isn't going to be good when I go back to work soon. You are going to challenge me, I already know.

My body has become used to operating on only a few hours of sleep each night. You are so worth waking up for every night. You are worth all the dirty diapers and crying fits too. I promise. 

I hope with all of my heart that you know how much I love you.

 

I can not even express in words how much I adore you. You were worth the wait. I would wait all those years all over again for you because you were meant for us sweet boy. You truly make daddy and I so happy.

 

 Last night you tried to roll over. You got halfway and passed out. I was kinda happy. As much as I am excited about you rolling over, it kinda scares me. It means I really can't look away - even for a second.

You are growing up so fast and are so amazing. 

You also know my voice - you look around to find me when you hear my voice and you wake up when you hear daddy come home from work.

 You don't really interact with your puppy siblings yet but don't worry - you will soon. Obi gives you kisses on your toes and Vegas likes to lay on your boppy when you aren't in it. She thinks it is her new bed. One day soon you will have lots of fun playing with Vegas and Obi. I can't wait to see that.

 

I hope you always stay so sweet.

Love, Mommy.

{Playtime with Deegan}

5 weeks. 

Playtime with Deegan. 

Well, he is definitely starting to smile more. Big smiles, almost like he is about to laugh. I am really loving it! It is just hard to catch on camera! I'm trying to but no luck today! Of course I was able to snap a lot of blank stares and sweet faces, but no big smiles today.

This was my favorite photo of the day....

He is just such a sweet, loveable boy.

We are starting to play more when he is awake during the day. He really enjoyed his play mat today. It's so colorful and fun for him. He was kicking his little legs and moving all around.

Obi just sat and watched him. He is so loving with him and sweet. It makes my heart happy to have little moments like this.

Life is just so sweet right now. 

Deegan's Nursery.

I have always dreamed of decorating my children's nursery one day.
This room that was once just an extra room in our house that I filled with "stuff" has now become my favorite room in our whole house.
 It is filled with so much love.
 I love how everything in his room has a special meaning. A lot of pieces were handmade by ourselves or by our family or friends.There are things that remind us of "home" (Louisiana) and stuffed animals and toys we hope he falls in love with as he gets older and can enjoy them. 

 I posted his nursery on another page on the blog but I thought I would share it here in case anyone missed seeing it.....


 
Come on in and check out Deegan's nursery. 

 

When we found out we were having a boy I didn't know really where to start with his nursery. I knew that

really wanted a room that Deegan could grow up in. I just kinda found things as we went along. 

The crib was one of the first pieces we picked out and I loved how it was so masculine and sturdy. I loved the color. The dresser that matched was EXPENSIVE so I found one on craigslist. It was a hideous, ugly, old dresser and my husband worked his magic to make it awesome. It matches his crib perfectly and is a beautiful piece. We changed out the hardware on it and it really is the perfect dresser.

There are so many special pieces in his room that family and friends put a lot of love and hard work into. 

The chevron bedding was made by my mom and means so much to me. I knew I wouldn't be able to find what I was looking for in bedding at a retail store. I love that my mom made his bedding. She is so talented. 

Accents on his dresser - a wreath my sister made for Deegan's shower, a truck from my in-laws that a floral arrangement was in that was delivered to the hospital and a metal basket that my mom found me to put his burp cloths and blankets in.

I love this little monkey. It was a sweet gift and I hope Deegan will carry it around with him until it falls apart. I hope he loves it as much as I do.

I knew I wanted his nursery to have special accents of "home". Home is Louisiana. The crab and alligator are reminders of home. I have wonderful childhood memories of crabbing with my family in Grand Isle.I hope that oneday my Deegan will go to Grand Isle and have memories of crabbing with his grandpa.

I really hope Deegan likes hats. He has a nice little collection of them....and ties. 

I can't wait to see him in his cute hats 

.Of course he had to have a hat rack so daddy made him one to match his dresser and crib.

 

 I love this little wall. Daddy reads Deegan lots of his books and I am pretty certain we will need a bookshelf added in his nursery because he is going to get lots of books for gifts. 

Deegan's toy crate is a one of a kind. 

My parents bought it plain and put casters on it. I added the letter "D". 

My sister-in-law made this sign for Deegan's artwork as he gets older. It was the perfect addition to this wall. There are little magnets to hold up his artwork or school work.

One of my favorite parts of Deegan's room is his dutch door that his daddy made us. It was the perfect solution instead of having a baby gate for the dogs. He did such an awesome job cutting the door and putting it all together. I love it! I can walk past his nursery and see inside every time or we can close the whole door shut if we ever need to.

Crib: Babies R Us.
Dresser: Craigslist
Globe:Hobby Lobby
Metal Basket: JoAnn's
Burp Cloths: Handmade by me, my mom and gifts. 
Chair: Marshall's.
Letters: Hobby Lobby.
Bedding: Handmade by my mom.
Banner: Handmade by my friend.
Hat rack: Handmade by my husband.
Look what Deegan made sign: Handmade by my sister-in-law
Crate: Homegoods, but updated by my mom with casters-from Lowe's and the letter "D" - from Hobby Lobby.
Wreath: Handmade by my friend.

{This blog}

This blog. 

It is about Deegan.
Our life.
Embryo Adoption.

It is just a glimpse.

Our story is still being written.

I am a very open person. I will answer all questions honestly. I just don't know where to start here. I want to write about our journey, my pregnancy, all the ups, downs, ins, outs and in between and I am sure I will write about it all in time. For now I will start with life right now and post all the rest as I can. In the meantime if anyone ever has any questions, please message me at: heyitsmishi7@yahoo.com or visit the National Embryo Donation Center's website at embryodonation.org 

All I can say is if it's meant to happen for you - your heart will be open to it.
You will find a way.
You will find the finances.
You will find the time.
You will find the embryo or embryos that were meant to be your little one and your heart will explode with love when you see "pregnant" on a pregnancy test. It will again when you hear the heartbeat for the first time and then see the first ultrasound. It will keep bursting with love when you feel them kick.
And when you see them for the first time....magic.
They are yours. No question about it.